So it’s officially my birthday! I'm 23 wow. (I won’t be admitting that much haha)
The last few days I’ve been kind of pessimistic about turning 23, always comparing myself to where I think I should be in my life. I haven’t had the cookie cutter road that a lot of my friends have. I didn’t get to walk across the stage when I graduated high school, I didn’t get to go off to college that fall, and I didn’t get to go to a bar and have all my friend’s buy me shots when I turned 21.I’m not saying this to get pity, I think I just always tell myself and others that I took a different path in life and I’m fine with that but in reality it’s easier to say that confidently than to deal with the fact that I am kind of sad and embarrassed that I’m “behind.” I hate that I let it get to me, but I more so hate the fact that I spent so many years wanting to die that I would give anything to get back and live.
It’s time to stop wishing I could get the past back and focus on right now. I know I haven’t blogged in a month so some of you don’t know what’s been happening with me but I’ve had a lot of exciting opportunities. I was elected Vice President of my sorority and improved my GPA tremendously last semester. I’ve been able to make new friends, reconnect with some old ones and really step into who I am as a person without my eating disorder. This is the first time in my life that I can truly say there is no going back.
It’s time for me to let go and let God show me what he has planned for me in this next year of my life. Because if I don’t stop trying to relive the past I’m going to miss what’s great about right now.
Its so good to know that I'm not alone in this, I feel the EXACT same way. Happy birthday Kel, may this year you look at all the open doors ahead of you rather than all the doors closed behind you. I am so proud of you!!!
ReplyDeleteI know that you wish you hadn't spent those years wanting to die and I get that but remember we all get where we are by where we were. And no matter what you had to get through in your past you did. And you got through the working on it too- which is just as hard sometimes. It sucks to be behind but I try to see it as an aspect of life that I had that others won't always experience. It wasn't good- but it was something. It wasn't fun but I learned and grew and most importantly want to LIVE for the first time. So even if it took me seven years to want to live I would rather have gone through it than not experience what I am today :) Unfortunately sometimes we only see the true height of the highest point if we once sat at the lowest. Happy birthday and keep working hard girl!!
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