I wish I could post a new blog about how great life is and how well I'm doing but that wouldn't be being honest. For the past two and a half years I've tried to have the perfect recovery and be an inspiration to others but it's getting hard holding myself to impossible standards. The past two weeks I've been restricting my food intake by a lot. I'm not proud of it, I'm ashamed and I've tried to keep it hidden from everyone so I can keep up this facade of the perfect recovery. It's so hard admitting that life gets hard, that I still have eating disorder thoughts and sometimes just want to run back to the comfort of a treatment center. But I refuse to give up. I refuse to have come this far just to put my life on hold again. I'm going to show myself and everyone else what real recovery is, having stumbles and then getting back on the right track. I'm going to start being honest with people and stop trying to do everything on my own.
So I saw this on my friend Jennee's blog and it is perfect for what I am going through right now and something I need to remind myself daily.
TO LET GO ~
Does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go........
Is not to cut myself off, it's the realization I can't control another.
Is not to enable, but allow learning from natural consequences.
Is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
Is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself.
Is not to care for, but to care about.
Is not to fix, but to be supportive.
Is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
Is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies.
Is not to be protective, it's to permit another to face reality.
Is not to deny, but to accept.
Is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
Is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
Is not to criticize or regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
Is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To let go.....
Is to fear less and love more.
~ author unknown
I'm ready to let go
