So I finally decided to start a blog after I’ve had a lot of people ask about my experience over the past few years and what it took to get me where I am today. Maybe this blog will fall on deaf ears or maybe it can impact someone in their own fight, I’m not really sure.
The past week or so I can’t stop ruminating over the past two years. Exactly two years ago on the 28th of October I checked into Laureate for my final try at treatment for my eating disorder. I had been hospitalized over 15 times the past few years, but my parents told me this was my last chance. My body was weaker than ever and I no longer had the mental capacity to fight this disease. I remember that day so vividly, driving myself to Tulsa thinking I did not need to be there, no way was I sick enough to go back into treatment. In reality my weight was at an all time low and I was almost in complete heart failure. I remember my first night there and I fell asleep crying, praying to God that he would take me in my sleep because I did not want to live anymore. Now I look back, two years later with a fresh set of eyes. I’m so thankful that God didn’t end my life but he instilled in me the will to fight.
Now food or my body isn’t even an afterthought in my mind. When I have a bad day my first reaction isn’t to restrict my calories. I have learned so much these past few years behind how to eat or not to hate my body. I’ve learned how to have healthy relationships with others, how to set boundaries, but most importantly I’ve learned how to be real. I’m no longer the girl with the fake smile plastered on her face because that’s what is expected of her.
I never knew that recovery was so much more than learning to eat and not hate my body. I am amazed at how many life lessons I learn every single day that continue to help me grow as a person. So in a nutshell, that’s what this blog is going to be about. The struggles and realizations I am experiencing years after I “learned how to eat”
I have finally regained the light in my eyes that was missing for so many years
So glad you are blogging!
ReplyDeleteHey Kelly its Jennee I have a blog here too now just moving my old one over and starting to write more. I'm glad you have decided to share. Everyone's experience is so different and I am looking forward to hear your insights :) And even though I didn't know you too well when you were first here I can see the amazing person you have become and am so glad you found the courage to heal.
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